How to Find the Right Therapist: A Personal Guide for Individual and Couples Therapy

Seeking therapy is an important step in caring for your mental and emotional well-being. Whether you’re facing challenges individually or as a couple, finding the right therapist can make all the difference in your healing and growth. It’s not just about finding a professional, but someone you feel connected to—someone who helps you feel safe, understood, and supported.

Additionally, research consistently shows that feeling safe and connected with your therapist is key to making meaningful progress in therapy. When we trust our therapist and feel understood, we are more likely to open up, explore deeper emotions, and challenge ourselves to grow and heal. This therapeutic bond creates a secure foundation, allowing us to take bigger steps toward change and personal transformation.

Here’s a guide to help you find the therapist who’s the best fit for your unique needs, whether you’re seeking individual therapy or looking for couples counseling.

1. Reflect on What You’re Looking For

Start by asking yourself: What brings me to therapy? Is it anxiety, stress, trauma, relationship difficulties, or perhaps a need to process a big life change? Clarifying your reasons helps guide your search. If you’re looking for couples therapy, it’s important to consider shared goals with your partner as well.

Think about:
– What am I hoping to get out of therapy?
– Do I prefer to talk one-on-one (individual therapy) or with my partner (couples therapy)?
– Is there a specific type of therapy I’m interested in, such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing), Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, or Mindfulness-Based Therapy?

By identifying your needs, you’re already making progress toward finding the right therapist.

2. Understand Different Types of Therapy

Therapists often specialize in different therapeutic approaches. Knowing a little about these methods can help you choose a therapist that aligns with your preferences. Additionally, when looking for a good therapist, make sure to ask questions about their level of training and whether they participate in ongoing supervision or continuing education. This ensures they stay well-versed in their therapeutic models and are up to date with the latest approaches to provide the best possible care.

– Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Often used in individual and couples therapy, this approach focuses on improving emotional bonds and fostering connection between partners and with the self. This model is supported by 40 years of research to be highly effective, research showing 70-75% of couples recover from marital distress, and 90% of couples report significant improvement in their relationships.

– Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): This model is highly effective, and boasts an 80-90% effectiveness rate at treating issues such as trauma and PTSD. It is a therapeutic approach used to treat not only trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder, but also anxiety, depression and to help people move through life transitions with more ease. EMDR helps individuals process and reduce the emotional intensity of distressing memories by using bilateral stimulation, such as guided eye movements, taps, or sounds, while recalling traumatic events. This process allows the brain to reprocess those memories in a healthier way, leading to reduced emotional distress and improved well-being.

– Mindfulness-Based Therapy: Encourages staying present in the moment and can be helpful for managing stress, anxiety, and trauma.

– Gottman Method: A popular behavioral approach for couples therapy that helps partners build a deeper understanding and resolve conflict constructively. This model includes homework and exercises, which can be taxing on couples’ time, but can be very effective and beneficial to learn new behavior patterns together.

– Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps individuals identify and change negative thought patterns, which can be helpful for anxiety, depression, and stress management. This model also includes homework, and research supports it’s effectiveness as long as clients keep up with the exercises.

Whether you’re working on personal growth or healing as a couple, finding a therapist with the right specialization can help you feel more confident in the process.

3. Ask for Recommendations

A wonderful place to start is by talking to people you trust. You may be surprised how many friends, family members, or colleagues have had positive experiences with therapy. Asking for recommendations can make the search less overwhelming.

If you’re looking for couples therapy, consider talking to other couples who have gone through counseling. They may have insights on what worked for them and could point you in the right direction.

4. Use Online Therapist Directories
If personal referrals aren’t available, there are many helpful online resources. These directories allow you to search by your location, needs, and whether you’re seeking individual or couples therapy:

– Psychology Today: One of the largest databases for finding therapists based on location, specialty, and insurance.

– TherapyDen: Known for its inclusive filters, allowing you to search for therapists who are affirming of specific communities (LGBTQ+, BIPOC, etc.).

– BetterHelp: If you’re looking for online therapy options, BetterHelp connects you to licensed professionals who can work with you virtually.

These platforms often provide helpful filters, so you can search for therapists who specialize in individual or couples therapy, as well as your specific needs.

5. Check Their Credentials and Experience

When you’re searching, take a look at each therapist’s credentials. A well-qualified therapist should have proper licensing (such as LPC, LMFT, LCSW, PsyD, or Ph.D.). For couples therapy, it’s especially important to find someone trained in relationship dynamics, such as a Certified EFT or Gottman therapist.

Beyond credentials, consider their experience. Some therapists focus on specific areas, such as trauma, grief, or relationship issues, while others may offer more general support. For couples, you’ll want someone with experience in helping partners navigate conflict, improve communication, and rebuild emotional connection.

6. Consider Practical Factors

Therapy is most effective when it’s accessible and fits comfortably into your life. Here are some practical questions to keep in mind:

– Location: Do you want in-person sessions, or would you prefer the convenience of online therapy? Though in-person can speed up the progress towards goals, it may not be available in your area, or may not fit your schedule. Talk to your therapist about options, and most therapists will do their best to accommodate your needs.

– Schedule: Does the therapist have availability that works for you (and your partner, if you’re seeking couples counseling)?

– Cost: Does the therapist accept your insurance, or do they offer sliding scale fees if you’re paying out-of-pocket? It’s important to feel comfortable discussing payment and ensuring it’s manageable for your budget.

7. Schedule a Consultation

Most therapists offer a short consultation, either over the phone or in person, to determine if you’re a good fit. This is your chance to get a feel for their style and approach, and to ask questions. For couples therapy, this consultation is equally important—both you and your partner should feel comfortable and heard.

During the consultation, you can ask:
– How would you approach my specific issues or goals?
– What experience do you have working with individuals or couples on similar concerns?
– What does the process of therapy typically look like with you?

This initial conversation is not just about their qualifications; it’s about getting a sense of whether you’ll feel safe and supported.

8. Trust Your Instincts

After meeting with a therapist, check in with yourself (and with your partner if you’re doing couples therapy). How did you feel during the conversation? Were you comfortable? Did you feel understood? It’s important to listen to your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to continue your search.

Therapy is a partnership, and you deserve to work with someone who helps you feel heard, respected, and valued.

9. Be Patient and Open

Finding the right therapist takes time, and it’s completely normal to meet with a few different people before making a final decision. What matters most is that you feel supported in your journey, whether you’re seeking to heal individually or as a couple. Therapy is a space for growth, healing, and transformation—and the right therapist will guide you through that process with compassion and care.

Final Thoughts

Finding a therapist, especially for something as personal as individual or couples therapy, can feel like a big step. Remember, it’s okay to take your time to find the right fit. When you do, you’ll have a trusted partner who helps you navigate life’s challenges with more clarity, connection, and peace. You deserve to feel supported in your journey—whether you’re walking it alone or hand-in-hand with your partner.

Be gentle with yourself as you go through this process, and know that the right therapist is out there for you.

If you are interested in learning more, feel free to reach out to me:

www.MyEncinitasTherapist.com
Elana@MyEncinitasTherapist.com
(760) 652-9091

Written by: Elana Zagorsky, LCSW